FWAK!.

"False Wisdom And Knowledge" heh, as i said on the main page, this is basically a "Spoof" if you will, of the FFIV game in general, a re-written script that is majorly twisted, yet works perfect.. so dont take it seriously aight? its only for fun, oh yeah, if Squaresoft read this.. LIGHTEN UP, its ONLY a JOKE mate! lol

There was only 4 episodes of this written up (or the only 4 i could find) and it HAS an author, so all credits goto him.. im just simply uh.. "putting it on display" for erm "others to check out and rant about" hehe ^_^. So, here it goes.. all credits go to a guy named Karendar who's email i just found, so if you see this man, cheers, you've given us all a laugh :)

Oh, and a quick warning.. there is VERY VULGAR LANGUAGE IN THE FOLLOWING TEXT(S) so YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

FFIV FWAK, Part 1

* The blue sky, silent and calm is suddenly startled by a large rumbling sound... A fleet of airships fly by... As the screen becomes brighter, it's noticeable that they're highly pixelized and slow!
<Cecil> WTF?! WHY ARE MY SHIPS PIXELIZED?!
<Crew> Probably because the dick playing is using some shit like SNES9x on a 486/DX66
<Cecil> Shiiiit.... No WONDER we're flying so slow!
<Cecil> HEY! MORON! GET A PENTIUM WITH ZSNES AND INTERLOPATION NOW, YOU DICK LICKER!
<Player> Oh fuck off!
<Cecil> I said NOW, BITCH! BEFORE I STUFF THAT SIDEWINDER OF YOURS WHERE THE SUN DON'T SHINE!
* The player grumbles and closes the emulator.
** 3 weeks later **
* The blue sky, silent and calm is suddenly startled by a large rumbling sound... A fleet of airships fly by... As the screen becomes brighter, it's noticeable that they're smooth and fast...
<Cecil> See bitch?! ISN'T THIS BETTER????
<Player> Yeah yeah... Shaddap!
* Cecil gives the player the finger
<Cecil> Are we there yet?!
<Crew> No...
<Cecil> Are we there yet?!?!?!?!?!
<Crew> No.
<Cecil> Are we there yet?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!
<Crew> YES, FUCK! YES WE ARE!
<Cecil> Good then... Land the ships.
* The ships land as the screen fades to black... Suddenly, they reappear in a room that seems to have floors made of glass...
<Cecil> . o O( WTF?! This room is FUCKIN UGLY! )
<Cecil> . o O( And what are these damn . o O () SHITS?!)
<Crew> . o O ( That's because in FF4 hard version, we don't talk at this point... )
<Cecil> . o O ( WHAT THE FUCK?! SCREW THIS FF4 BULLSHIT! )
* Cecil walks over towards the crystal while his crew bitch slaps the scrawny wizards.
<Sage> . o O ( Hey! He can't take that! It's a sacred relic! )
<Cecil> . o O ( HA HA, BITCH! YOU CAN'T TALK EITHER! )
* Cecil makes his men bitch slap the Sage.
* Cecil takes the crystal and as he exits, looks down at his shoes for no apparent reason
* The screen goes black again and they reappear in the airships, in mid flight.
<Cecil> These cut scenes are REALLY pissing me off... Oh well... what can I do...
* Cecil jerks off next to the mast, thinkin about Rosa...
<Crew> Sir? Don't you think it was wrong to steal the crystal?
<Cecil> Oooh Rosa... Yeh yeh... uNF.. I.. uh.. WHA? *zips up his pants* WTF are you talkin about, bitch? The king's always fuckin right!
<Crew> But... The king's been acting weird... We're all worried...
<Cecil> Oh fine, you whiny little bastards... I'll talk to the king once we get home...
* The crew nod their approval.
* Cecil resumes beating himself...
* a crewman runs up.
<Crew> Sir! Monsters are attacking the ship!
<Cecil> Ah DAMN?! *beats his meat harder and comes all over the crewman*
<Cecil> Go wash up... I'll take care of this... Rest of you lamers LOOK OUTSIDE OF THE SHIP! You know the fuckin routine...
* The crew nods
* The screen goes all blurry and then, a side shot of Cecil and some ugly ass monster pops up
<FloatEye> ME AM FLOAT EYE! ME AM KILL YEW!
<Cecil> Oh yeah???
<FloatEye> YAYA! ME KILL KAY TNX!
<Cecil> OH YEAH, BITCH?!
*** FloatEye was kicked from #TheShip by Cecil (-Fo- Shenai! -Fai-)
*** Cecil sets mode: +b FloatEye*!*@*
<Cecil> Damn lameur prolly won't think to change nicks...
* An ugly Raven suddenly flies in!
<Raven> ME AM NOT HAPPY! ME NO LIKE BAN KAY TNX!
<Cecil> Damn fuckin "/$&("/@£¢
*** Raven was kicked from #TheShip by Cecil (-Fo- Shenai! -Fai-)
*** Cecil sets mode: +b *!*@*.aol.com
<Cecil> Fucker...
<Cecil> Bitch slapped that lameur... Ok guys! Fly me home NOW! I need sexy relax from my bitch NOW!
* The crew returns to their posts and fly the ship.
* Cecil whines... Are we there yet?????
<Crew> No...
<Cecil> ARE WE FUCKIN THERE YET?!?
<Crew> NO!
<Cecil> NOW ARE WE THERE YET?!
<Crew> YES, FUCK! YES!
<Cecil> Good... Land next to Baron.
* The ships Land and Cecil enters Baron castle.
<Cecil> I'm baaaaaack!
<Cecil> Let me in, you dumbass m0f0z!
<Guard> I can't... I don't know how to open the door...
<Cecil> /($&"//"$"/$%?/%?" DAMN FUCKIN NEWBIE! PULL THE CHAIN!
<Guard> Oh... Ok.
* The guard pulls the chain and Baigan walks through the door.
<Baigan> Welcome back, Cecil.
<Cecil> Yo f00... Wasssup??
<Baigan> Follow me... The king awaits you.
<Cecil> Yeh... So how's Rosa?
<Baigan> A delicate and pure flower, she is...
<Cecil> PURE?! ROSA?! MY ROSA?! HA!
* Baigan gets an anime sweatdrop
<Baigan> We are here... Please wait outside while I tell the king you are here.
<Cecil> Yeh, biotch...
* Baigan walks in the throne room and walks out 2 seconds later.
<Cecil> DAMN, MAN! These were the 2 LONGEST FUCKIN seconds of my LIFE! I mean, DAMN! No porn in this damn hallway! WTF is up with that? Think the king forgot or somethin?
<Baigan> I.. Uh. Uhm.. The king will see you now. Follow me.
<Cecil> Hey! You didn't answer my question, biotch!
* The two walk in the throne room
<King> Ah... Welcome Cecil... Were you successful on your mission?
<Cecil> Yeh, biotch... Those damn fuckin mages were pissin me off, so I bitch slapped their sorry asses. I gotz yer funky crystal.
<King> Good. Give the crystal to Baigan.
* Cecil hands the crystal to Baigan... Baigan then takes it to the king
<King> Marvellous... Splendid! You may now leave, Cecil.
* Cecil turns to leave, looks down at his boots again and remembers something.
<Cecil> Oh yeh... Yo! King dood!
* The king spins around in his throne for no apparent reason and faces Cecil.
<King> Y-Yes, Cecil... What is it?
<Cecil> No offense, but that damn corridor is FUCKIN boring... Couldn't you put some pron there? with maybe a sofa? Ya know... Even maybe a few kingly whores... I dunno...
<King> You DARE defy my authority????
* Cecil walks towards the king
<Cecil> Naw... I just want some pro-Oogh! *Cecil gets pushed back by guards.
* Kain suddenly walks in.
<Kain> Yo king... Cecil's right... Don't diss him, man!
<Cecil> YEH, BITCH! Kain's my main m0f0!
<King> I am dissapointed in you two! Cecil! You no longer have command of the Red wings!
<Cecil> Wha...?! But we're winning in the stanley cup finals!!! YOU WHORE!
<King> And you can no longer fly the airships either!
<Cecil> I don't give a damn about those ugly, pixelized pieces of crap...
<King> You and Kain are to deliver this package to the town of Mist in the north! Now leave!
<Cecil> Waaaaait a minute, biotch! What package?!
* Baigan hands Cecil a package and the guards push Cecil and Kain out.
<Kain> What an asshole... Let's leave this damn corridor... This place makes me wanna chop my dick off, man!
<Cecil> Yeh! Right on, m0f0!
* Both of them walk out of the room...
<Kain> I'm gonna go get wasted and fuck that dancer that keeps stripping for every fucker that passes by... See yas in the mornin' bitch.
<Cecil> Yeh! I'm gonna go get some uNF action from Rosa f00! Laterz!
<Kain> Laterz, d00dz!
* Cecil walks around stealing treasures and pressing buttons until he walks down stairs... Rosa walks up behind him...
<Cecil> Yo Rosa... Wassup?
<Rosa> Dammit, Cecil... that's all you have to say to me? We hardly ever fuckin see eachother!
<Cecil> Uh... Yeh... Well. I've been.. uh.. busy.. *cough* Come to my room around 1 AM...
<Rosa> Ok.. I'm worried about you.. Later..
<Cecil> Yeh.. Laterz, biotch.
* Rosa walks away
* Cecil walks through the door and a fat, ugly m0f0 yells at him.
<Cid> Yo Cecil! *waves to him, does a flip and walks down a flight of steps*
<Cecil> Oh no... Not that nerdy Lameur... I better get the fuck out of here... Wha..?! What the FUCK?! I CAN'T MOVE! I'M PARALYZED!
* Cid walks through a door and stands in front of Cecil.
<Cid> HEY! WASSUP!?! I'm workin on yer airships! They're fuckin sticky and all... Ya know what happened to em by any chance??
<Cecil> Uh... No clue... But NEways, I can't fly em anymore... King fuckin flipped when I asked him for pron...
<Cid> Oh that's so sad! And I was gonna install some kewl shit on it too!
<Cecil> Like that pron library I asked for ???
<Cid> Nah... I didn't get to that yet... Soon tho!
<Cecil> Yeh yeh... Whatever, bitch... I'm gonna go get some relax... Fux0r off!
<Cid> Ok! Talk to ya later!!!
* Cid walks away
<Cecil> Damn I hate that pudgy bastard...
* Cecil walks up the tower... Some chick blocks access to the stairs.
<Amber> Your bed is cleaned... Anything else you want me to do, master?
<Cecil> Nah.. Go away, biotch... Oh wait... Wait a minute.. Come back around midnight... I gotz some kewl shit ta show ya!
<Amber> ::blinks:: Y-yes.. Master..
* Amber walks away
<Cecil> Yeh, biotch!
* Cecil climbs the stairs and leaps in his bed.
* Cecil sleeps until midnight and then Amber walks in.
<Amber> Y-ou.. said you wanted to show me somethin-g... Master..?
<Cecil> Yeh, biotch! C'mere... *pulls his pants down*
<Cecil> Meet Mr. Snakey, biotch! He likes it when you deep throat him! SO DO IT, BIOTCH!
<Amber> ::blinks:: Y-es.. Master..
* Amber starts sucking Cecil HARD.
<Cecil> Yeh, biotch! M00! m00000!
* footsteps are heard coming from the stairs.
<Cecil> Shit! She's early! Get on the bed, bitch!
<Amber> Y-es.. Master..
<Cecil> AND STOP WITH THE MASTER SHIT! *throws a cover over her*
* Rosa opens the door and sees Cecil on the side of the bed, pants pulled down...
<Cecil> Surprise, bitch!
<Rosa> Oh how I missed that little dinky of yours...
<Cecil> WHA?! FUCK OFF! SUCK ME!
<Rosa> Okay!
* Rosa kneels down besides Cecil and starts to suck him...
** 15 minutes later **
<Cecil> uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF! *splurtch* Yeh, biotch! Dat was fux0r1ng d0p3! Now I wanna fuckin sleep! Go away!
<Rosa> Cecil..? Are you ok?
<Cecil> Yeh yeh... Just go, dammit! I'll talk to ya later, bitch!
<Rosa> Ok.. *leaves*
<Amber> Is.. She.. Gone..?
<Cecil> Yeh... She is, bitch... You better leave too...
<Amber> Y-es.. Master..
<Cecil> AND STOP WITH THE FUCKIN MASTER CRAP!
* Amber leaves and Cecil falls asleep
** In the morning **
<Cecil> Where's Kain, that fuckin m0f0... He's fuckin late!
* Kain runs in from the bar, looking half awake.
<Cecil> Damn, biotch... You didn't get any sleep, did you?!
<Kain> Uh.. No.. That damn dancer's fuckin fiine! She gives one helluva blowjob, m0f0!
<Cecil> Yeh... I guess we should stop by to visit the bitch!
<Kain> Yaya! Sexy relax with da bitch!
* The two leave side by side, music filling the air.
<Cecil> Wha..? WHERE TF IS THIS MUSIC COMING FROM?!
<Kain> Dunno, m0f0... And why is the screen fading?!
<Cecil> Oh SHIT! long ass credits time!
<Kain> Oh FUCK... I'm going to sleep through this crap, d00d... Wake me when it's done!
<Cecil> Yeh... I'm gonna jerk off to some sexy porn...
* the opening credits start scrolling!

End of Fwak 1! In the next Fwak, Will Cecil's small dick prevent him from scoring with the dancer from Baron? Will the package be delivered?? Will Cecil's porn library be built?! Find out in Fwak 2!

FFIV FWAK, Part 2

* Cheesy music can be heard playing.
<Cecil> DAMN! *STILL* not done with those fuckin credits?!
<Kain> ZzzzzzZzzzzZzZ...
<Cecil> Damn m0f0's still sleeping... Eh.. My pron's all fucked up... I need a new one!
<Kain> ZzZzZzZZZZZzzzzz...... *snore*
<Cecil> Ah SHIT! shut the FUCK UP, Kain!
<Kain> *grumble, snore* ZzzzzZZZZZZzzZZzzzz....
* The credits end FINALLY
* Cecil bitch slaps Kain! WAKE UP, BITCH!
<Kain> Huh?? WHA?! *wakes up*
<Cecil> Credits are done, bitch...
<Kain> Shiiit... How long have I been sleepin?
<Cecil> 2 days... Give or take an hour...
<Kain> Oh... Shit, dude... I thought it would take FUCKIN longer than that!
* Cecil walks into town.
<Kain> Hey, d00d... Let's get some action from that dancing bitch!
<Cecil> Damned good idea!
* Cecil walks up north of town to the dancing bitch
<Dancer> Hey boyz... Want me to dance for ya? Here I go! *strips nekkid and leaps in the water*
<Cecil> DAMN BITCH! GET BACK HERE! *pulls down his pants* SUCK THIS INSTEAD!
* The dancer turns around and sees Cecil with his pants down.
<Dancer> Uh.. Er... Heh.. HEH... HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA! LOL!!!!!!
<Cecil> WHAT?!?
<Dancer> OH MY GOD!!! LOL!!!! IT'S SO SMALL!!! *laughs so hard she drowns*
<Cecil> HA! You dumbass whore... That's all you fuckin deserve!
<Kain> OH MY GOD! YOU KILLED THE DANCER! YOU BASTARD!
<Cecil> WTF are you talkin about, bitch?!
<Kain> I dunno... The situation seemed to need that line put in...
<Cecil> What EVER!
<Cecil> Let's talk to some people... Just for the hell of it...
<Guy> HI!
<Cecil> WTF?! Uh... Hi... Do you know where the town of Mist is?
<Guy> I don't know... I'm only a guy!
<Cecil> WELL TELL ME WHERE MIST IS, OR YOU'LL BE A GUY WITHOUT A SHLONG!
<Guy> Ok ok! Yeesh! Word has it it's a small town north of here! *guy continues wandering around pointlessly*
<Kain> What an asshole...
<Cecil> Yeh... Let's blow this damn boring town... All these damn assholes turning around in circle are getting me sea sick...
* Both exit the town.
* Cecil starts to walk around pointlessly
<Kain> Hey... Where ya goin?
<Cecil> I have no clue... Do you know where this Mist village is?
<Kain> That lamer in town said... Uh... North, didn't he?
<Cecil> Bah! How the hell should I know what that dickhead said... I was too busy thinkin about Rosa's blowjob from last night... MAN does she ever suck GOOD!
<Kain> Uh... LIIIITLE too much info there.
* Kain pulls out the whiskey bottle and slugs back a shot
<Cecil> Look there... Let's walk in that forest... Maybe we can find some interesting shiznit in there...
* Kain keeps slugging back shots, not giving a damn.
<Cecil> Suit yerself, bitch...
* Cecil walks in the forest and sees some weird ass birds walking around.
<Cecil> WTF?!? What the HELL are these things?!
<Kain> Big yellow birds... *sniffs* Damn, d00d... They smell like CRAP! Oh no... Wait... That's me... Sorry.
* Cecil holds his nose.. Yeh, dude! Yer ripe! When was the last time you took off that damn armor of yers?!
<Kain> Uh... 3 months ago... Why?
<Cecil> fuck this! Stay the HELL away from me, asshole! *checks out the chocobos*
<Cecil> Daaaamn these things are HUGE!
* Cecil eyes the chocobo...
<Cecil> I wonder...
* Cecil humps the chocobo!
<Cecil> uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF uNF!!!!
<Chocobo> WARK WARK WARK!!!!!!!!!
* The chocobo pecks Cecil's head!
<Cecil> ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK!
* Cecil pulls away from the Chocobo!
<Kain> Your obsession with sex is gonna kill you someday, bitch! *slugs back a shot of booze*
<Cecil> Look who's talkin, ya booze hound!
<Kain> That gives me an idea... *walks over to the chocobo, pulls its mouth open and dumps the remaining booze down its throat!*
* The chocobo walks around all fucked up...
<Cecil> KickASS! Let's ride him up north!
<Kain> Dammit! STOP THINKIN ABOUT SEX!
* Cecil bitch slaps Kain
<Cecil> I DIDN'T MEAN THAT WAY, BITCH!
<Kain> Oh... Ok then... *hops onto the chocobo, who's wobbling like an idiot*
* Cecil follows.
* The Chocobo runs off, walking around drunk... About 6 hours later, they arrive at a cave...
<Cecil> Man... That was a fucked up ride...
<Kain> Yeh... Ashpeciallty sbnce thre fortesf6t isgh 5 mihbutes aweya fron gerre.......
<Cecil> You damn booze hound.. K'mon! Let's check out the cave!
<Kain> Oghkaty...
* Kain wobbles behind Cecil.
* As the two enter the cave, a thick mist covers the area of the cave...
<Cecil> WTF IS THIS SHIT?!
<Kain> Wghell, Cohnfdensatinon of cldouds trewapped ign picokets orh wsrm erir..
<Cecil> WTF ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT?! SHUT UP! Just fuckin follow me!
<Kain> Ohleaty...
* Cecil walks around, taking treasures and bitch slapping porcupines, goblins and giant moths...
<Cecil> FUCK these monsters are annoying!
<Booming voice> Leave this place now...
<Cecil> WHAT?! FUCK OFF! WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!
<Kain> I dhgunnoe...
<Cecil> Fuck this... *keeps going*
<Goblin> EYE WILL EAT YOU!
<Cecil> Go ahead, bitch!
* Goblin takes a bite from Cecil's shoulder!
<Cecil> ACK! BITCH! I thought you were gonna blow me!!!
*** Goblin was kicked by Cecil (-Fo- Shenai! -Fai-)
*** Cecil sets mode: +b *!*@*.goblin.com
<Cecil> There... that should stop those little pissasses from annoying me again!!
<Kain> Yeeehhhh........ *stumbles over a rock and falls off a bridge*
<Cecil> Ah you DRUNKEN BITCH!
<Booming voice> Leave this place now!
<Cecil> I TOLD YOU NO, BITCH! FUCK OFF!
<Kain> I tgink it'sd an ahuto msgn or sgomething...
<Cecil> Yeh.. Whatever... *picks up Kain and continues*
* They both see the exit of the cave.
<Cecil> K'mon, bitch... This cave is fuckin boring!
<Kain> Yeh.........
<Booming Voice> Turn back now! This is your last chance!
* A little screen saying Do you wanna turn back? Yes/no pops up
<Cecil> WTF IS THIS SHIT?!
<Kain> A yesg nho ptonmpt..
<Cecil> Oh.. Yeh.. Duh. No, bitch! I ain't turning back!
* Mist forms around Cecil and Kain... Next thing they know, they're in a battle with an ugly ass dragon!
<Ugly ass Dragon> Prepare to fight me, to pass.
<Cecil> WTF?! *starts a k/b command*
<Ugly ass Dragon> That will not work with me, because I am a boss.
<Cecil> Boss my ass!
* Cecil casts dark wave!
<Cecil> Dark wave?! WTF IS THIS SHIT?!
<Kain> Sohome atteaxk froom FF4j..
<Cecil> Damn... I gotta get used to this FF4j crap!
* Ugly ass dragon Ughs at the attack!
<Kain> Muyt tuyrn...
* Kain leaps in the air!
<Cecil> WHA?! YOU DAMN WUSS! COME DOWN HERE!!!!
<Cecil> Fuck this... *uses another darkwave*
* Ugly ass dragon Ughs at the attack again!
<Cecil> hehehe... This is kewl! *does another darkwave*
* Ugly ass dragon Ughs at the attack again!
* Cecil Does another darkwave
* Ugly ass dragon Ughs at the attack again!
* Cecil Does another darkwave
* Ugly ass dragon Ughs at the attack again!
<Cecil> HEHEHEHEHEHE!
* Kain falls on the Dragon, crushing him!
<Cecil> WTF?!?!?!?!!?! DAMN YOU, KAIN! I WAS HAVING FUN!!! *tries to hit Kain but misses*
<Cecil> Uh.. Why am I so fuckin weak...?
<Kain> Because the dark wave lowers your HP everytime you use it...
<Cecil> Why didn't you warn me sooner...? HEY! YER SOBER!!
<Kain> Yeh... The jump sobered me up... But now I see all this fuzzy shit... And why's the room spinning??
<Cecil> Ugh...

Find out why the room's spinning... If Cecil and Kain get to Mist... See Cecil get assfucked by the chocobo... All in FF4 Fwak part 3!

FFIV FWAK, Part 3

* Kain spins around like an idiot...
<Cecil> Fuuuuck dude! WTF is wrong?!
<Kain> W00000t... I dunnno, but DAMN DO I FUCKIN FEEL LIKE BROWNIES RIGHT NOW! O_O
<Cecil> Ah... Uh.. Okkkk... Maybe they have some in that Mist shit town... K'mon, bitch!
<Kain> Yeeeeaaaaaaahhhh....
* Cecil and Kain exit the cave to find... You guessed it... Town of Mist!
* Cecil smells the air
<Cecil> Damn, man! Smells like someone's smoking fuckin Paprika!
<Kain> Wheeeeeeee.... Papriiiiikkaaaaaaaa........
<Cecil> Shiiiit... Now I get why the fuckin town is called Mist! It ain't fuckin Mist tho... Oh hell... Let's go...
<Kain> Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaw! Damn... Who turned off the lights?!
<Cecil> You damn idiot! *pulls up Kain's visor*
<Cecil> Let's fuckin DELIVER THAT FUCKIN PACKAGE!
* Cecil walks inside the town of Mist.
* As they enter the town, the package explodes and big, red, ugly creatures start burning everything in sight!
<Cecil> YAYAYAYYAA! FIRE FIRE!!! Uh... I mean, FUCK?!
<Kain> Ooooo... Fiiirreee... Yayayaa.......
<Cecil> SHADDAP! THIS IS FUCKIN BAD, YOU DICKHEAD!
<Kain> Oooh... Yeeah... It isss... I forgot...
<Cecil> K'mon, bitch!
* a girl is heard crying!
<Cecil> Allright! Let's play the goodly hero! I might even get laid!
* Cecil runs up to see a little girl crying over her mom... Her mom doesn't look too alive tho...
<Cecil> Damn! It's just a fuckin kid!
<Barkley> I'll take her! YAYAYA!
* Cecil bitch slaps Barkley!
*** Barkley was kicked from #Mist by Cecil (-Fo- Damn fuckin Pedo! -Fai-)
<Barkley> WELL FUCK YOU TOO! *leaves*
<Girl> Waaah! Mommy! Where's my pot?! DON'T DIE!! I WANT MY POT!!!
<Cecil> She's fuckin dead already, you little blind bitch!
<Girl> Who the fuck are you? And how did you get here??
<Cecil> I'm Cecil... That half baked idiot over there is Kain...
<Kain> Hiiiiiii, little giiiirlll.... Is your pussy hairy yet???
<Girl> Fuck off, Kain! How did you people get here?
<Cecil> Through that fuckin cave...
<Girl> You... Mean you killed my ugly assed dragon?!?
* The girl takes a step back!
<Cecil> Wha..? That ugly m0f0 was yours?! I didn't know, bitch!
<Girl> I'LL FUCKIN KILL YOU!
* The girl starts fighting Kain and Cecil...
<Cecil> Dammit, bitch! I didn't fuckin know!
* Cecil starts a Darkwave
* Kain spins around, waving his hand in front of his face.
<Girl> ARNOLD! COME POUND THESE UGLY M0F0z!!!
* A big, beefy dork appears
<Arnold> Eye awm Awnold! Eye will kiell you!
<Cecil> Heeyyy! Didn't I see you on Leno?! DAMN you sucked! You were talkin all fucked and.....
* Arnold hits the ground, destroying the whole fuckin town of Mist... Hippie bodies fly left and right!
<Cecil> AGH! BITCH! NOOOOOOOOO! *screen fades* DAMN CUT SKENES!
* The screen fades back to normal, Cecil is unconscious and the little bitch is lying next to him.
<Cecil> Fuuuuck do I have a headache...... Uh... Damn.. I didn't.. Uh... Sleep with that bitch, did I?!
<Cecil> Aaah FUCK! I'm really gonna get an ass whoopin now...
* Cecil looks around for Kain...
<Cecil> Ya damn booze hound! Where THE FUCK ARE YOU?!
* Cecil looks for... Oh... 3 seconds.
<Cecil> Ah fuck 'im...
* Cecil picks her up and starts walking through a large ass desert.
<Cecil> Damn.. This... Place.. Is... FUCKIN HOT.. Thirsty........
<Cecil> Maybe... if I drink... This bitche's pussy juice... Ah.. Nah.. Can't... Do that...
* Cecil spots a town.
<Cecil> Yeh, bitch! I almost did something fuckin stupid!
* Cecil starts running towards the town... He trips over a rock and watches as the girl goes flying and falls down HARD on the ground!
<Cecil> Ahh Son of a BITCH!
* Cecil picks her up and checks to see if she's bruised and shit...
<Cecil> Damn... Whew... She's fine... DAMN BITCH! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! *bitch slaps her!*
<Cecil> WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT?! AAAH SHIT!
* Cecil walks into town and heads for the inn.
<Innkeeper> You want a room?
<Cecil> Yeh, m0f0... This chick is fuckin whacked... I need to get her to bed...
<Innkeeper> I shun that kind of attitude! You damn Pedophyle asshole!
<Cecil> Wha?! NO!! Not that way, biotch! I don't do anything under 18, m0f0!
<Innkeeper> Oh... Well do you mind if I do then?
<Cecil> FUCK OFF! JUST GIMME MY FUCKIN ROOM, BITCH!
<Innkeeper> Thought not... That'll be 100 GP...
<Cecil> WHAT?! FUCKIN RIPOFF! *grumbles and hands him the cash*
* Cecil puts the girl down in bed.
<Cecil> Ah fuck I'm tired... I'm getting some sleep...
* Cecil starts to sleep...
* later in the night, Cecil wakes up hearing weird ass sounds...
* Cecil looks over to Rydia's bed and sees a man who's over her.
<Man> uNF uNF uNF!
<Cecil> YOU FUCKIN PERVERTED INNKEEPER! GET THE FUCK OFF HER!
<Barkley> FUCK OFF, LAMER!
<Girl> Yeah! Fuck off, lamer!
<Barkley> uNF uNF uNF!!!
<Cecil> I'LL FUCKIN KILL YOU! *kills Barkley*
<Barkley> URGH! *dies*
<Girl> DAMN YOU, ASSHOLE! YOU FUCKIN KILLED HIM! NOW WHO'S GONNA FUCK ME?!
<Cecil> I can call that fat ass Innkeeper if you want...
<Girl> PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN, BITCH!
<Cecil> WHA?! I DON'T DO 13 YEAR OLD BITCHES!
<Girl> I'm 14, you bastard!
<Cecil> Oh... Ok then.
* Cecil pulls down his pants.
<Girl> Wha?!? Damn! It's like, too fuckin small!
<Cecil> FUCK OFF! *pulls his pants back up*
<Girl> Fine then! *gets up to leave*
* 5 guards walk inside the Inn.
<Captain> I've come for the girl! Hand her over!
<Girl> You've come to fuck me?! WICKED KEWL! I was SURE the king would fuckin ignore my letters!
<Captain> No, you little slut! I'm here to fuckin kill you!
<Girl> WHAT?!
<Cecil> Back off, jerk! I'll fuckin run you through!
<Captain> Bring it on, fucker!
* Cecil pulls down his pants!
* 4 of the guards die laughing! The captain stands!
<Cecil> HA HA, BITCH! Just you and me now!
<Captain> Yes I guess so...
* Cecil starts fighting the captain.
<Cecil> lesse how strong you are, bitch.
* Cecil darkwaves his ass
* The captain gurgles and dies
<Cecil> Wha..? FUCKIN WEAKLING!
<Girl> MY HERO!!!
* The girl latches on to Cecil's dick!
<Cecil> WHA?! GET OFF, YOU DAMN SLUT!... Ooooh... Nono.. Don't get off!
* The Girl sucks Cecil's brains out for 10 seconds before Cecil cums in her mouth
<Girl> Wha?! Damn... You fuckin suck!
<Cecil> Yeh, and you swallow, you bitch!
<Girl> Fair enough... My name's Rydia! I'm joining up with you!
<Cecil> WHAT?! WHY???
<Girl> YOU DESTROYED MY FUCKIN VILLAGE! YOU OWE ME!
<Cecil> Oooh yeah... I forgot... Let's go!
* Rydia joins the party!
<Cecil> WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!
<Narrator> I did...
<Cecil> Oh... Ok then.
* Cecil walks out with Rydia and heads into a house.
<Rydia> Where are you fuckin going?!
<Cecil> I dunno! I just thought I'd check this house out!
<Rydia> You damn asshole!
* Cecil walks inside the house and sees Rosa lying in a bed, unconscious... An old bastard is sitting next to her!
* Cecil runs up to the old bastard
<Cecil> WTF DID YOU DO TO HER, BITCH?!
<Man> Nothing! She came in crawling into town mumbling about some idiot named Cecil who left without his farewell blowjob... She's sick!
<Cecil> No shit... Damn, Rosa... You starved bitch... Give her some aspirin or somethin!
<Man> No... I can't... I need the sandruby to cure her...
<Rydia> SandRuby?! WTF is a SandRuby and how much is it worth?!
<Man> It's priceless... And it's a ruby created by a creature named Antlion.
<Cecil>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Rydia> WTF are you laughing at?!
<Cecil> Try and picture yourself an ant and a lion crossbreed...
<Rydia> ...
<Rydia>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Cecil>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Rydia>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Cecil>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Rydia>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Man> Oy vey...

Will Rydia and Cecil ever stop laughing??? Will they get the SandRuby? Will Cecil become a permanent Pedophyle???? Find out in the next FF4 Fwak!

FFIV FWAK, Part 4

<Rydia>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
<Cecil> ...
<Rydia>HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
* Cecil bitch slaps Rydia
<Cecil> Enough, bitch! We gotta get that SandRuby shiznitch...
<Man> Did I say SandRuby? I meant the light of the desert...
<Cecil> WTF?! then why did you tell us the SandRuby, bitch?!
<Man> Uh... That was my evil twin from FF2 US... Sorry...
<Cecil> Yeh yeh... Whateva... Let's go, Rydia!
* The man looks at Rydia who's eyeing his crotch..
* Cecil looks at Rydia and bitch slaps her ass!
<Rydia> OW! ASSHOLE! NO BLOWJOB FOR YOU!
<Cecil> Good God... Now we have a Blowjob nazi...
* Cecil leaves.
<Rydia> Heeeey! WAIT UP, YOU SLUT! *runs after him*
* The two go around town harassing the townsfolk by talking to them pointlessly, buy a few random shits and leave town.
<Rydia> Sooooo Where do we go now?
<Cecil> I dunno... North means snow, right? It's better than staying in this bloody desert... Let's head north.
<Rydia> Yeesh... For a leader type person, you ain't all that bright, bitch... But let's fuckin move... I'm sweating like a fuckin pig!
<Cecil> I'm in fuckin BLACK armor.. Shaddap, you whiny little whore...
* Cecil starts walking
<Rydia> Will you STOP fuckin talking to me like that??
<Cecil> Make me, slut.
* Rydia grumbles and follows Cecil...
* The two keep walking and fighthing ugly monsters until they reach the entrance of a cave.
<Cecil> Look lookee here... A cave... Damn I'm starting to hate fuckin caves...
<Rydia> How many you've been in?
<Cecil> *mumbles* 16.. +27.. -4 * 2... Carry the 3..............
<Cecil> One.
* Rydia facefaults!
<Rydia> You fuckin idiot.
<Cecil> Why thank you, you 2 dollar whore...
* Cecil walks in the cave, Rydia fuming behind him.
* Cecil sees a few treasure chests and takes the stuff inside.
<Rydia> You sure you should take that crap?
<Cecil> Why the fuck not??
<Rydia> Well... It's not yers, dumbass...
<Cecil> Answer me this... What IDIOT would leave treasure chests lying around a cave like that?! Noone's dumb enough to believe that they won't be taken!
<Game Programmer> HEY! FUCK OFF!
<Cecil> Shut up, you Jap shit who prolly has a last name like Yoshi or some shit like that!
<Game Programmer> .............
<Cecil> Dat's better, whore...
* Cecil walks around in the cave and comes to a bridge... An old man simply stands there.
<Cecil> Yo! Old fart! What are ya doing in here??
<Old man> .............
<Rydia> He seems stoned... He's not fuckin moving an inch...
<Cecil> Yeh... *picks up a rock and throws it at the old fart*
<Old man> ......... *thunk* ............
<Cecil> Fuckin A... Is he dead?
<Rydia> I dunno... Let's find out!
<Cecil> Yeh...
* Cecil walks over to the old man and as he stands in front of him, before Cecil can say anything, he talks.
<Old man> You're a dark knight, aren't you!
<Cecil> Wha..? Yeh, I am... Whassit to you, bitch?
<Old man> I need to get through this cave, sonny! I'm a crumpled old fart! This huge ass monster is blocking the path! I keep trying to fight him and my bladder gives out each time!
<Cecil> Damn fucker... I don't wanna fight yer damn monster!
<Old man> Yeah, sonny... I know... But it's the only way of getting out of this cave!
<Cecil> Fuuuuuuckin shiiiiit... Oh fuckin fine... I'll fight it...
<Rydia> What about me????
<Cecil> You'll prolly try and blowjob it to death... *smirks*
<Rydia> SHUT UP, YOU DAMN ASSHOLE!
<Old man> You seem powerful, girlie! You'll be useful too!
* Rydia blinks...
<Rydia> . o O ( I think he wants to be sucked off... )
<Cecil> Ya think?
<Rydia> WTF?! How can you read my thoughts?!
<Cecil> I dunno...
<Old man> What are you two talking about?
<Cecil> Nothin.... Let's fuckin get out of here!
<Rydia> Yeah...
<Old man> My name's Tellah!
<Cecil> Whatever.
* Tellah joins the team
* Cecil walks around, stealing more treasure, Rydia bitching about it...
* They come to stairs that go down in the water.
<Cecil> This looks fuckin suspicious... *steps on the water*
<Cecil> Wheee... It's fuckin shallow!
<Rydia> Ya sure? *steps in the water too*
<Rydia> Well lookee lookee... It is!
* The team walks around in the water and comes to a waterfall...
<Cecil> Da-amn... I remember the last time I was in a fuckin waterfall... There was this kickass cave behind it...
* Cecil feels the wall behind the waterfall
<Cecil> And it seems the programmer's a fuckin sucker for the classics!
* Cecil and Rydia walk through the waterfall
<Cecil> Where the fuck is Tellah?
<Rydia> I dunno... Lemme see...
* Rydia peeks out and walks back in...
<Cecil> So?
<Rydia> He's fallen asleep in front... <g>
* Rydia pulls down Cecil's pants!
<Cecil> DAMMIT, BITCH! I SAID NO!
* Rydia starts sucking him hard
<Cecil> I SAID N....... Don't fuckin stop, bitch!
* Rydia stops.
<Cecil> YOU WHORE! *bitch slaps her*
<Rydia> OW! FUCKIN... NO BLOWJOB FOR YOU! I WAS FUCKIN TEASING!
* Rydia walks out of the cave
<Cecil> Fuckin slut..
* Cecil pulls his pants up, raids the cave of its treasures and walks out to join the two.
<Tellah> K'mon, sonny! Time is money!
<Cecil> Yeah, yeah... You old crone..
* They walk around until they find a rune on the floor.
<Tellah> Yeeehaw! A save spot!
<Cecil> A WTF?!
<Tellah> Save spot! A place to save yer progress!
<Cecil> Pretty useless if ya ask me... State saves 0wn j00
<Tellah> State wha...?
<Cecil> Nevermind, bitch... Let's go!
<Tellah> NO! Let's camp here for the night! I'm tired!
<Cecil> Ah fine, whore...
<Rydia> STOP CALLING EVERYONE WHORES!
<Cecil> Ok... I'll just call you a whore, you damn whore...
* Rydia starts boiling
<Tellah> Now now, Girlie... Calm down!
<Rydia> . o O ( He's hot for my fuckin vaccuum action... )
<Tellah> How did yas know, little missy?
<Rydia> DAMMIT! I can't even THINK anymore! Oh fuck it...
* Rydia goes under Tellah's robe and sucks his little, shriveled dick
<Tellah> Yeeeehaw! *cums after a minute*
<Rydia> Ah FUCK THIS! *curls up by the fire and falls asleep*
<Tellah> Well he dawgie... What's wrong with her??
<Cecil> Search me, m0f0...
<Tellah> So what're you two fine kiddies doing in dis here cave?
<Cecil> I'm fuckin looking for Light of the desert for my sick GF...
<Tellah> Yeeehaw... Dat's a trip... I'm going to bitch slap my daughter Anna for marrying a wimpy bard!
<Cecil> Uhun...
<Tellah> She never listens to me! Kids these days!
<Cecil> Uhun... *yawns*
<Tellah> I gots this lump the size of a mellon on my leg... Ya think it's cancer??
<Cecil> ZzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzZZzzzz *snore*
<Tellah> Yeeehaw... *falls asleep too*
* Screen fades to black and the 3 wake up.
<Cecil> DAMN I FUCKIN HATE THOSE!
<Tellah> Yeeehaw, boy! Calm down!
* Cecil grumbles and walks off
* The two follow, shrugging...
* Cecil walks around, stealing more treasure, killing more monsters, acting utterly bored.
<Cecil> DAMN FUCKIN CAVE!
<Tellah> Yee dawgie! There's the overworld up ahead, then there's another cave!
<Cecil> FUCK THIS!
* Cecil uses a state save to fast forward to the end of the other cave!
* Cecil sees his new sword and armor
<Cecil> Kick fuckin ASS!
<Rydia> WTF?! I have an ice Rod now?!
<Tellah> Yeeeehaw! That was cool! *pees in his pants as he spots the monster ahead*
<Cecil> It's a fuckin giant octopus!
<Octopus> That's CocktoMammoth to you, asshole!
<Cecil> WHAT THE FUCK EVER!
*Battle begins*
* CocktoMammoth grabs Rydia and starts to tentacle rape her.
<Cecil> Ah FUCKIN CRAP SHIT! THIS AIN'T NO FUCKIN SICK ANIME HENTAI! *chops the fuckin CocktoMammoth to pieces*
* CocktoMammoth dies
* You can now go to Damcyan!
<Cecil> SHUT UP, YOU FUCKIN NARRATOR!
<Tellah> I hope everything's allright in Damcyan! I gots a bad feelin' Yessery!
<Rydia> I'm sure...

Will the bad feeling be true? will Rydia ever suck a guy for more than 10 minutes? WILL the bard have any balls?? Find out in Fwak 5!

And thats it! lol, hope you enjoyed these FWAK's.. if i find any more i will be sure to post them in here.